A Measure of Spiritual Growth

Most mornings, I make a cup of coffee, walk into my office, and spend a few minutes with God. It really is one of my favorite times of the day.

Nonetheless, I laughed recently when I realized that it is the only time of day when my Chihuahua will leave the room. I used to gently throw him out during God time. Now he sees the coffee, knows what's coming, and just prances right out on his own.

Is it twisted that I see this as a small win? At least I've been consistent enough that my dog notices ha ha ha ha

2 blogs

Some may wonder why I have 2 blogs. Teachonpurpose, my professional blog, has been great for connecting with other teachers and sharing professional stuff....but the other side of my identity, my Altar Ego (misspelled intentionally) goes here. This one is for thenon-professional side, for the heart stuff. With that said, I think it's safe to say here...that right now my heart's a mess. This week one of my students killed himself. What do you even do with that? I don't think it's an over-dramatization to say that, for me these aren't just students-they are the little ones that God has entrusted to me-and they all have broken hearts at the same time. It's a little overwhelming even when I don't think about the fact that one of them was hurting enough to take his own life. So, I suppose, for those who want to ask, "how are you doing?"....I'll tell you I'm ok, but it's only a half-truth. The other half is that I'm still waiting on the dam to break, and that I would give anything if I could put into words just how much I love and hurt for my kids.
It will be ok. I know.
The heart's just not there yet, and saying so requires me to, hence the name, put my ego on the altar.

Sweet Moments

Today, my dear friend, Farrah Isbell asked me "So, how is Crystal doing?". I knew what she meant. She meant....how are YOU, not your job, not your ministry, but YOU. This is one of the reasons I love Farrah. She asks questions, to which the generic answers won't do. I'm always a little perplexed when I have to think harder about that question that the typical "How's it going?". Shouldn't I know better how I'm doing that how my job is doing? Shouldn't I have a better read on my own state than the state of my students? Strangely enough, that's not always the case. Thanks, Farrah for asking how I'm doing!

I spent part of the day today asking myself the same question.

The answer is...mostly the same as I always am-loving the Lord, fighting a cold, arguing with my diet, etc. Nonetheless, there is a stark contrast to last semester. (As a teacher, i still measure my life in semesters, not months or years). IF you know me well, you know that last semester was rough...not just in my job...but in my life. If I were really honest, I'd probably tell you that worked through some depression for most of the fall and part of winter. I'd say that the biggest change since then is in the time I spend with the Lord. There's nothing life a rough patch in life to teach you how little you can do without Him. Of course, as the quantity of time with Him began to increase, so did the quality...and those sweet moments have returned..the moments when I realize He wants to be with me and I want to be with Him. There are few things in life more precious than knowing that the creator of all things would like to meet with you, and that nothing in your day is more important than that meeting.